#all the hatred i have to live with for shit i didn't choose

[joyful-downer]

I see. Today is panic, dysphoria and social anxiety day.

[lost-romantique]

It really isn't hard to see why people ship Stolitz...

One thing I notice a lot of Anti-Stolitz shippers do is demonize one person over the other on what happened in Full Moon. Either Blitz is the most abusive asshole that was about to physically beat the shit out of Stolas, or Stolas is some rapist that got upset his victim didn't accept his grand love confession. Both of which are extremely bad takes.

If you blindly pick a side on who was right and who was wrong, than yeah it's no wonder you can't get aboard this ship and that's your own prerogative.

When people ask me why I ship Stolitz, I'll tell you why:

Because underneath all their resentment and anger they hold for one another, they both genuinely care so deeply about the other. Their interaction in the latter half of Apology Tour says as much:

Stolas, despite, having the right to completely blow off Blitz when he approached him. Chooses to instead hide Blitz's face as a way to protect him from being seen, just so they can have a chance to talk.

Despite how horribly Blitz treated him earlier in the day, Stolas still finds comfort just being held by him. Stolas still trusts Blitz, his little knight in shining armor to protect him.

Blitz is so gentle with Stolas throughout this interaction, when Stolas gets upset and falls dramatically off his lap, Blitz freaks out. The first thing Blitz does is curse at himself for fucking up, only to immediately get Stolas up on his feet and guide him to the couch.

Blitz does the right thing and allows Stolas to dance with BTB when he looks to him for permission because: Blitz understands that he wasn't in the right mindset to reciprocate the sort of affection Stolas was seeking at that moment, and because Blitz knew that Stolas deserved to have a night of fun.

BONUS:

This scene is so poignant and so powerful in my mind, that I honestly consider it one of the most beautifully heartbreaking moments of the show.

Blitz is forced to realize that by pushing people away, by building up all these walls that surround him, he essentially created this much carnage he never meant to.

To top it all off, this episode ends with Blitz letting Stolas go, even though he desperately doesn't want to.

(Someone give Blitz a hug please, my poor precious bean.)

I love the fact that these two men are genuinely what the other needs in their life.

A big reason as to why Stolas is in love with Blitz is because Blitz was the first person that introduced him to the concept of freedom. While Stolas just seemingly accepted his fate of dedicating his entire life to being a proper Prince of the Goetia.

Blitz wasn't like that, from the very beginning, Blitz was someone that dreamed of something bigger for himself, something better, something that usually an imp like himself could never hope to achieve. Blitz is a dreamer, and Stolas admired that.

As adults, Blitz taught Stolas that he had a right to pursue his own sense of freedom, that he didn't need to live a life trapped in the woes of being a Goetia in an abusive marriage.

Blitz, unknowingly, taught Stolas that he didn't need to be an owl trapped in a cage! Blitz taught Stolas that he had a right to pursue his own dreams, his own happiness.

If it wasn't for Blitz, Stolas would still be living that miserable life of conformity.

Even now, there's so much Stolas could learn from Blitz, and Stolas recognizes that: "Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean. For you to teach, and me to try to learn."

What Stolas can do for Blitz, is be that pillar of support Blitz desperately needs in his life. Someone that will always be by his side when his self-hatred starts to take control.

Blitz needs someone in his life that can be there to remind him that he too has a right to be happy, that he too has a right to be loved.

And there is no person better for that job than Stolas, who *still* holds so much love for this little red lizard.

Stolas can be there to teach Blitz to be better for others, and be kinder to himself.

Also, low-key...

These two are so fucking hot together, like goddamn.

[alcrox]

Did Yu Ziyuan intend to cut off Wei Wuxian's arm?

I have seen this brought up a few times.

There are generally two arguments: yes, she totally intended to do that and only changed her mind when she was told that Lotus Pier would be converted into a "Wen Supervisory Office" AND no, she was just buying time by beating up Wei Wuxian and appeasing Wang Lingjiao.

I think it's a bit of both?

She didn't (and wouldn't) hesitate to beat up Wei Wuxian. This is the first scene we see her physically abuse Wei Wuxian (before this we only hear her verbally abuse... well, everyone) but it is made very clear that Wei Wuxian is quite used to this sort of treatment. Cutting off an arm, however, is very different. It would maim WWX for life. It isn't something that, even WWX with his strong golden core, would be able to just heal from easily. He would have to find a whole new way to get around his disability.

It's not as if YZY would hesitate to cut off WWX's arm from a place of concern or affection. Hell no. She is extremely sharp and intelligent, though. She has seen WWX grow up, she has seen his talents first-hand. She knows just how much of an asset WWX is to the Yunmeng Jiang. And she knew that this day was coming. The day when the Qishan Wen came to her doorstep and tried to take over Lotus Pier. She might blame WWX for it (because she too, like Wen Chao, just needs an excuse to blame WWX, though hers comes from a place of being blinded by hatred rather than planning a seize) but she is well aware that one way or another, this was happening. That much was clear in episode 11 when she is spitting mad that Jiang Cheng has to go to the Wen Indoctrination Camp. She knows what the Wens are doing and she is not surprised when the final showdown finally happens.

So, it's a bit of both. She was buying time, but she was also, maybe, hoping that punishing WWX in front of WLJ would be enough. When WLJ mentions cutting off WWX'S right arm, however, she visibly hesitates. (Or rather, considers.) She knows what cutting off WWX's arm means; it means to rid her Clan of a powerful asset. WWX may still be able to fight with his left arm (as he has clearly made up his mind to do so) but right after his arm is cut off, he would be of no use in a fight. And YZY already knows from that point onwards, there are only two options. One, she and JC and WWX and the Jiang army fight off the Wens and risk losing their lives, including the heir Jiang Cheng. Two, the option which she ends up choosing, she fights to death, defending her home from the Wens while JC escapes with WWX. In both options, WWX's survival and skills are crucial. She knows JC's best chance of making it through all of this is keeping WWX alive and indebted. She cannot cut off his arm yet. Not when WWX, in her eyes, hasn't paid off his debt yet. Not when she knows, despite her hatred, that WWX can be counted on for his courage and loyalty and incredible skills to keep JC safe.

She orders the doors to be shut, which is absolutely meant to be interpreted as acquiescence to cut off WWX's arm. She is clever. She buys them as much time as possible, possibly also gives WWX a while to recover from being whipped so brutally by Zidian. And it also serves the purpose of keeping the Wens inside so that they can't go and alert Wen Chao and bring an even bigger army back to Lotus Pier. She knows shit's about to hit the fan so she doesn't reveal what she plans to do until the last possible moment when does.

And then WLJ utters "Wen Supervisory Office" and YZY knows it's time. That the gig is up.

If the order was to whip WWX with Zidian for a while longer, YZY may have complied. She knows exactly how strong WWX is and how much he can withstand without, like, dying or something. But the price WLJ asked for was too high (and probably calculated on WLJ's part as well; she too must know what a skilled fighter WWX is and how to sever the Yunmeng Jiang from one of its most powerful weapons. She saw WWX in action, after all, in the Xuanwu cave). So YZY stopped complying and began strategizing. How to save her home. How to keep the Clan alive. How to preserve her assets.

She didn't keep WWX alive and safe (well, safe is questionable, she did beat the shit out of him) out of goodwill. She kept him alive and safe out of necessity.

Side note, this shot:

This shot helped reinforce my theory. YZY despises WWX, that much is not a secret. Everyone knows it. Everyone in this very scene knows it. Yet when the Wens, headed by WLJ, first arrive at Lotus Pier, this shot makes a pretty firm statement of they are united against a common enemy. YZY is many things, but she is not stupid. She knows what the real problem here is. And she is standing with her entire Jiang army, including WWX, against said problem.

I despise YZY as a mother but damn if she isn't an interesting character.

[qkopi]

LINK UP (3)

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pairings: prowler! miles x fem! reader

cw: violence, profanity

summary: miles was ready to brawl it out with milo as soon as he realized what had been going on between his girlfriend and his own twin. after fighting they had realized they also had to make it up to you. the real question is.. who are you going to choose?

a/n: angst, i don’t speak spanish (my stuff is translated), sad ending :( and guys I DONT DO TAGS IM SORRY THAT SHIT TAKES WAY TOO LONG HELL NAH🙅🏻‍♀️

pt 2 <- pt 3

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the sight of miles standing in the doorway, staring at the two of you, took you by surprise. you didn’t know how to react, and you weren’t sure what to say. milo was quick on his feet, and he immediately let go of you as he stood up and walked towards his twin brother.

“look miles..” milo said calmly, as he looked at miles with a stern expression on his face.

“i know this looks bad, but--” before milo could even finish his sentence, miles had pushed him.

“what the fuck, milo?! what have you been doing with my girl?” miles began to feel the anger burn up in his skin as he clenched his hands into fists. he was feeling too many emotions at once, shock, anger, and betrayal, due to what he saw of his own brother and girlfriend.

milo stumbled backwards, as he was punched square in the jaw by miles. he was in shock, as he saw his twin brother, standing in the doorway, glaring at the two of you. milo didn't have an excuse or an explanation, and he was still trying to figure out how to get out of the situation that he was in. he was in trouble, that much was clear, and he wasn't sure what to do to fix it.

meanwhile miles was glaring at you both, his face full of anger and disgust. he was too angry to think straight, and he was ready to fight for what was his…

“miles.. i’m sorry-“ you began to button up your blouse and began walking towards him. you tried to reach out your hand to comfort him but miles only ignored it, pushing past you.

he glared at milo with venom in his eyes. he was too angry to listen to anything you had to say. miles had seen enough, and he knew what you two had been doing. he was devastated and enraged, as his eyes were full of hatred towards his own brother. he was ready to take out all of his anger on milo.

milo and miles began to fight as the two of them exchanged blows and insults. they were both caught up in the moment, and they weren't going to stop until one of them was down on the floor. it was a brutal fight, with no rules or boundaries. they were both furious, and they were going to take out all of their anger on each other.

you tried to intervene, but you were no match for the two of them as they kept pushing you off to avoid you getting in harm’s way. you immediately went out of the bed room, going to the living room and reaching out for your bag and calling a number.

“mamá morales! please come home, i don’t know what to do!” you started to hyperventilate, hearing the clatter and ruckus over at milo’s room.

“hija, what’s happening? are you hurt?” rio asked.

“milo and miles, they’re fighting— please hurry!” you began to pace around, hearing their grunts.

“okay, okay. i’m on my way.” rio said as she ended the call.

“whatever the hell you just did, that’s some messed up shit, ‘Lo!” miles landed a blow on him.

“why the hell would you mess with my girl?!” Miles asked, feeling a punch on his cheek from Milo.

“it’s not like that, miles. you’re were never here for her. you’re always away, doing your spider-man shit, leaving me to take care of her instead. so don’t act all pissed at me when you’re the one who’s never here for her.” milo said truthfully since you weren’t here to listen to their conversation.

“you’re my brother, milo! out of all the people who would do this, you’re the very last person i expected to do this to me!” miles shouted as they continued to fight.

“and you’re a horrible boyfriend to her, so i guess we’re even!” milo shouted back.

the two began to wrestle on the ground as you waited in the living room. thankfully, miles and milo’s parents, jeff and rio, came along with their uncle aaron.

“hija..” rio went to hug you.

“are you okay, where-“ rio was cut off as soon as she saw her two sons come out of milo’s room and begin to fight in the living room.

this was a sign for the two men to get ahold of each boy. jeff held back miles as uncle aaron held milo back from fighting each other.

the fighting stopped as the twins were separated from each other. they were both breathing heavily, as they tried to catch their breaths. there was a tense atmosphere in the room now, as the two brothers looked at each other in anger still. milo looked at his brother, with a look of pure malice and hatred in his eyes whilst miles looked back at him with disgust and betrayal.

they had both gotten some good hits in during the fight, and they wouldn’t back down now… it was clear that they were not done with each other, and that this was far from over...

“los dos, ¡dejen de hacerlo, en este instante! (both of you, stop it, right now!)” rio yelled as the twins stopped trying to get out of the grasps, continuing to glare at each other.

you looked at the situation in horror as you realized what you had done. you were the cause of this whole fight between your boyfriend and his brother…

“cariño.. i suggest you go home for now, alright? but are you okay, are you hurt anywhere?” rio asked you as she held your hands while leading you to the front door.

while rio was doing that, both miles and milo used this advantage of trying to get past their father and uncle aaron but they wouldn’t budge.

“hey, hey, miles! stop!” jeff tried to control him.

“milo, milo! chill, man!” uncle aaron made sure he wouldn’t get past him.

“i’m fine…i think.” you said, as you brushed off your clothes.

“i just…i just need some time to think…” you said as you left their apartment and start to head back home.

just when rio closed the door, anger contorted up in her face as she walked back into the living room, still seeing the boys against jeff and aaron’s hold. the two stopped struggling against their hold as soon as they saw their mother coming back.

“sería mejor que uno de vosotros empezara a hablar...(one of you better start talking..)” rio said threateningly as she sat down, crossing her arms and waiting for one of the twins to talk.

miles and milo remained in a standoff, their bodies panting heavily and their eyes full of anger. they were both trying to take deep breaths, as the tension continued to hang in the air. milo was the first to speak up, as he looked at his twin brother.

“what i’m saying is true, you’re just in denial. you’re never here for her.”

miles ignored him, as he continued to glare at him.

“i know what she wants…” his voice was filled with malice now, as he spoke again. “and it’s not you.”

“oh, screw yourself, milo! you’re full of shit!” miles snapped back as he tried to get past his father’s grasp to punch milo but jeff wouldn’t let him.

“well maybe if you actually treated her like you loved her, she wouldn't be so willing to cheat.” milo clenched his fists, as he tried to break free from his uncle aaron’s grasp.

“ ’Lo, that’s enough.” uncle aaron scolded him as he felt milo use all his strength to get to miles.

milo looked up at uncle aaron, his eyes still full of malice.

“no, it’s not. not until i’ve seen him on the floor, it’s not.” milo sneered, as he glared at miles with hate and disdain in his eyes.

“miles, we both know you’re a terrible boyfriend. y/n’s better off without you.” milo taunted as he saw miles shaking with rage.

“nah.. you planned all of this.. you lured her into some kind of trap and made her want to cheat! she was fine before you came into our business!” miles yelled back.

“she was fine? are you serious? she was a mess, and it was all because of you. you were never there for her. she needed someone who could give her the attention she wanted, and that’s exactly what i did, dumbass. now, she's better off without you.” milo shot back, as he continued to struggle against uncle aaron.

“she realized that she deserves better than you, miles.”

that statement angered miles to the max as he was trying to use all his strength to get past his father and beat the shit out of milo right now.

“you know i’m right, miles! you’ve been taking her for granted, and she's finally gotten sick of it… she doesn’t love you anymore.” milo let out a chuckle, as he smiled mischievously at his twin.

“¡cállate! both of you!” rio yelled making both twins to stop struggling against jeff and uncle aaron.

miles and milo both looked at their mother, as they finally stopped struggling. they were both exhausted now, their bodies covered in sweat and their faces full of rage. they were both furious, and they were not going to let this go so easily.

jeff and aaron distanced them away from each other, while still standing infront of them, seeing the twin brothers continue to glare at each other. they knew that this was far from over, and that the twins were going to go at it again the first chance they got..

“i’m going ask each of you a question, okay? miles, i’m going to start with you since your older. why did you start fighting your brother?” rio looked at miles, expecting an answer from him.

miles sighed, as he looked at his mother. he was exhausted from the fight, and he didn't want to answer the question, but he knew he had to.

“because i caught milo kissing my girlfriend, mamá..” his voice was filled with anger as his eyes turned to milo.

“he ruined my relationship with y/n! he didn’t deny it either, so i know he’s only after her for one thing. and she deserves better than that.” miles accused milo of using y/n, this led to milo being offended since he sincerely liked y/n.

“don’t even start, you pric—” milo was cut off by his mother.

“milo.. now, why would you do that to your brother? you know julia and miles are dating so why?” rio asked, wanting to hear out both boys and trying to understand both sides.

“he doesn’t treat her properly, mamá. he never puts her first in their relationship, and she deserves better than him.” milo glared at miles.

“now, miles. is what milo saying true? did you never make time for her?” rio asked.

miles was taken aback by this question. he hadn’t expected his mother to ask him about this, and he wasn’t sure how to answer it. well he couldn’t tell her that he was spider-man. that would lead to more drama.

now miles was furious, and he didn’t want to admit to her that he had been a terrible boyfriend to you…

“it’s true…” miles finally admitted, as he looked at his mother with a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

“i have been a bad boyfriend, and i’m sorry…but what he did still isn’t right.”

“i understand that.” rio nodded as she turned to milo.

“now, milo.. what made you think kissing your brother’s girlfriend was going to be okay?” rio asked him.

milo was quiet for a moment, as he realized that he didn’t have a good answer for this. he had let his malice and jealousy get in the way, and he had done something that he shouldn’t have done. He looked at his mother with shame and regret.

“i… i liked her first, ma..”

"it doesn't matter whether you liked her first or if i did. guess who she went out with first, me—"

“miles.” rio said sternly, giving him a warning look, making miles shut up.

“jeff.. aaron..” rio moved both men aside, taking each one of milo and miles’ hands.

milo and miles let their mother lead them like kids that had been caught fighting. they both looked at her with shame and embarrassment. they knew that they had messed up, and they were not sure what to do now. they were both ready to do whatever their mother said, even if it meant being grounded or punished in some way..

“ustedes dos son hermanos, ¿entiendes? (you two are brothers, you understand?) you’re each other’s flesh and blood and i don’t want to see my boys fight like this ever again..” rio gripped onto their hands tightly as she began to tear up.

“the two of you have been there each other ever since you were kids and you depended on each other.. i don’t want that to stop because of all this drama, okay?” her voice started to break as she looked at both her sons.

milo and miles both went silent, as they looked at their mother crying. they had never seen her so upset, and they had never been so ashamed of their actions before. they were both ready to make things right, and they would do anything to ensure that this didn't happen again... milo looked up at his mother, as he wiped his own tears away. he was sorry for what he had done, and he was ready to make things right...

“lo siento, mamá... we won’t fight like that no more..”

“i’m sorry too, ma.. we'll never fight again, we promise.”

it was silent for a moment. milo looked at miles, as he spoke softly to him.

“miles.. i'm sorry... i was upset and jealous cause i didn’t make my move that time... i should've never done that.”

miles let out a sigh, as he looked at milo. he didn't know what to say, as he was also overcome with emotions. he was angry, but he was also hurt and ashamed of what he had done. he wanted to forgive his twin brother, but he wasn't sure if he could...

he looked at miles nervously, as he waited for his answer.

“bro, please… i know i messed up, but i promise to never do it again. i won’t ever try to mess with you and y/n… i swear, i won’t.” milo had meant what he said, and he was ready to make things right between him and his twin.

he wanted to make things up to you, and he wasn’t going to mess this up again… the fate of their relationship was in miles’ hands now, and milo was ready to accept whatever he decided…

miles slowly nodded, as he looked milo. He wasn’t sure how to feel, as he was still hurt by what his brother had done. but he also didn’t want to hold onto that hurt, and he knew that they both needed to move on from this. he took a deep breath, as he let go of his anger and resentment and forgave milo. he knew that they both had made mistakes, and he wasn’t going to let this tear them apart anymore...

“yeah, let’s move on from this..” miles said as he extended his hand to milo. milo took it as he felt miles give him a hug, giving the hug back as well.

rio just looked at her two sons, happy that they have reconciled.

“as for y/n.. i feel like you two should give her some time to think. she seemed pretty shocked about everything that has happened.” rio added.

“yeah, i'll make it up to her somehow... and i’ll make it up to you too, mom... i promise. just…give me time.” milo let out a weary sigh, as he nodded in obedience.

he knew he had messed up big time, and he wasn't going to mess this up again. he was ready to make things right between him and his twin, and he was ready to do whatever it took to make up for his mistakes.

“and please.. whoever she chooses, whether it’s one of you, just be happy for each other, alright?” rio asked pleadingly, not wanting her sons to be in another fight.

both miles and milo nodded, as they let out a sigh of relief. they were both ready to move on from this whole ordeal, and they were both ready to set their differences aside for the sake of their family.*

“of course, mom... we won’t fight like this again. you have my word.” miles promised as he looked at his mother with a sincere look on his face. milo also nodded, agreeing with his twin brother. they would set their differences aside and work together to make up for what had happened.

(a week later)

you had tried her best to ignore both boys. everytime you saw miles or milo in the halls, you would turn around and go the other way just so you wouldn’t have to converse with them at all. this worried miles and milo heavily.

“oh, come on! she can’t still be angry at us…we’ve tried to apologize to her, but she just won’t listen.” miles complained to miles as they made their way down the hall towards their classes. they had both tried to apologize to you repeatedly, but you just ignored them every time. they were both frustrated since they were ready to make things right with you.

“what the hell do we do now? she won’t even look at us…” milo asked, as they both continued to walk down the hall towards their classes.

as you were walking with your friends, you saw miles and milo walking together in the corner of your eye as you began to panick.

“uh, i’ll meet you later in class, i think i left something in my locker!” you quickly said before rushing off.

“wait, y/n!” miles called out, as he and milo were both surprised to see her after all this time.

“y/n, wait!” milo called out as well as both boys tried to catch up to you and talk to you.

they didn’t want to let this go on any longer, and they were ready to make things right with you now.

“y/n, we’re sorry!” they both said in unison as they continued to chase after you. but you wouldn’t stop until you felt miles’ hand come in contact with your arm.

“let go of me, miles!” you yanked yourself off his grip harshly.

both miles and milo was surprised by this reaction, as miles let go of your arm. miles didn't want to make you uncomfortable as he stepped back and put his hands up in a gesture of surrender. he was ready to talk to her, but he didn't want to force her or make her feel like she had to speak to him. he was ready to give her space if she wanted it, and he hoped that she would be ready to talk to him at some point soon.

“i'm sorry, y/n… for never being there..” miles let out a weary sigh as he looked down at the ground with shame.

you were about to go and run, but you didn’t. you stayed in place as you looked at both boys, a sigh leaving your lips.

“no, miles.. i’m sorry.. im sorry for driving a wedge between you and milo.” you apologized.

the twins was surprised by this, as they had expected you to be angry at both of them still. they were ready to try to make it up to her, and they were happy that you seemed willing to hear them out now.

milo looked at miles as he shared a smile with his twin and let out a sigh of relief. they hoped that this was the start of them making things right between them all. milo was ready to make things up to you, and miles was ready to work together to repair your relationship with you, too.

“it’s okay, y/n.. miles and i have made up and—”

“no, it’s not okay! it was never going to be okay.. did you know how much that broke me? seeing two of the boys i love fight over.. me? are you serious?” I started to tear up.

“you two are willing to risk your brotherly relationship for someone like me..? i can’t do that to the both you, i can’t..” you shook your head.

milo felt awful as he realized how much he had hurt her. he didn't want to cause her any pain and he knew that he had been selfish and cruel in what he had done. he was ready to take the blame for everything, and he was ready to try to make things right now. He knew that you deserved better, and he was ready to make it up to her now.

“im sorry, y/n... i was being a selfish jerk, and i didn't think about how my actions would affect you…” milo looked at her sadly.

“please, y/n.. we’re not forcing you anything but please, give us a chance to never make that mistake again..” miles held your hand.

“you’re right.. you both won’t ever make that mistake again because.. i can’t be in a relationship with either one of you..” you revealed, taking your hand away as you turned to face somwhere else.

“whether it’s a friendly relationship or not.. i cant risk a sibling relationship like that ever again.. i’m sorry.” you walked away, feeling deeply remorseful for ending your relationship with both twins.

even if you wanted to stay just as friends, you knew you couldn’t. it would’ve been too selfish of you.

both boys were devastated by this, as they both let out a sigh of defeat. they knew you were right, and they couldn’t argue with you even if they wanted to. they were ready to accept that they had made a huge mistake, and they would move on. they had lost the girl they both loved, and they were both ready to accept that now. both boys had had their chance, and they blew it.

™︎ qkopi | tumblr

[aoioozora]

https://www.tumblr.com/aoioozora/755542119339474944?source=share

Not you supporting literal murderers, why tf should anyone care about people who cause nothing but suffering/destruction, murdering and raping innocent civilians for a living?? Someone using "barracks bunny" isn't the end of the world, it isn't that deep who tf cares if we want to be barracks bunnies. If mfs don't want to be called that frfr then they shouldn't enlist in the first place, people like her deserve everything they get coming to them

[The post in question]

Anon, I get where you're coming from, and I admire your sense of justice towards innocents.

But please, don't generalise all soldiers as people who WANT to cause suffering. I do not condone or support any of these things you've mentioned, and people who enlist in the army, I'm sure, do not join to murder and cause suffering. They just want to serve the country. And it just so happens that when it's time, they are called to fight simply for defending the honour of their country and the safety of their citizens. I can't speak for all soldiers, but I'm sure a lot of them wish peace and safety was not brought about through strife.

And oftentimes, the ones who enlist are the ones who suffer under the oppressive hand of their government by being forced to kill. Sure, no doubt there are soldiers who revel in causing destruction out of their hatred, but can you say it's the same for all soldiers? Besides, not all the jobs in the military mean they get to kill people. My aunt is a retd. Major and she was an education officer. And when she enlisted, I'm 100% sure she didn't enlist because she wanted to kill and murder and rape.

I'm sure you're smart enough to understand this much.

Look, this is the sad reality of the world. Death, destruction, and suffering are commonplace, and it's something we have to sadly come to accept. That doesn't mean it's right. But remember, what we see around us is out of our control. We cannot control what laws governments pass, what they order their soldiers to do, etc. And sometimes, soldiers can be brainwashed by propaganda and be ignorant of facts too.

I know, the injustice sucks, and I completely get it. But you can't be unjust and blame soldiers for all the misery in the world when you don't know what they're going through. Ultimately, it's not right to judge because we don't know their thoughts, their background, their beliefs, mental state etc.

And yes, I agree with you to some extent that calling someone a "barracks bunny" isn't the end of the world. I've been called a whore and the world didn't end. We just gotta take it in our stride and move on because we have better things to do. But does it mean it's still not severely hurtful? It hurts, and for some sensitive people, the anxiety of being perceived that way can live with them for a long time. Nobody deserves to be called such hurtful things, whether you like them or not.

If you want to be called one and be one, then sure, go ahead and knock yourself out. I don't support promiscuity but I support your freedom to choose. But don't go around saying that female soldiers deserve it because they're "murderers". I don't know if you're a woman, but if you are, I feel like you're not really being a girl's girl here. A real girl's girl would support freedom of choice, whether you like that choice or not. A real girl's girl would understand that there's more to it than what meets the eye. Hell, it even goes even if you're not a woman.

Also, it's not about "if they don't want to be called that, they shouldn't enlist". They SHOULDN'T be called that, period. You hear similar shit in corporate too like "she slept her way to the top". Iterations of it are everywhere! It's disrespectful, rude, discouraging, and degrading. Women go through enough already, this is too much. No woman deserves this nonsense, especially if they're hardworking and sincere, no matter the industry. Forget about them being women for a moment; can we just treat them as human beings? With feelings, aspirations, dreams? Hell, even dignity?

In our passionate rants, are we forgetting that other people are human just like us?

Anon, you are free to have your opinions, but please don't be rude about it. Consider that not everyone is out here trying to actively hurt people. And maybe consider being brave and bringing up your concern to the OP instead of me, since she's a soldier and I'm just a civvy. I'm sure you'll get insight better than mine.

And in conclusion, I suggest you read my favourite poem No Men Are Foreign by James Falconer Kirkup. I hope it's relevant to your concern and gives you a fresh new perspective.

Thanks for reading this Anon, and whoever comes across this. Forgive me if I've been rude or inconsistent anywhere. And if I've missed anything, let me know. I'm open to a civil discussion.

I rest my case. Good day/night.

[bean-spring]

Not to mention Voltron and Klance/Allurance in our year 2024 but I find it very telling how they didn't have anything planned for the ending and how they made Lance choose Keith on "The Feud!" by saying "He's our leader, plus he's half-galra so he's like, the future" when a season later he refers to Allura as "the best thing that has ever happened to him".

And yes, you can love somebody to death and yet think somebody else should get to be the one to live, logically thinking, but Lance is pretty much the most emotional out of all the paladins. He's loverboy Lance. He speaks and acts with his heart all the damn time and thinks about the people he loves first and foremost. And I am not saying this is "wooahhh Klance proof!" because we are pretty over that. Just saying it feels like they didn't have shit planned for the last season because Lance (a Lance who is in love with Allura, in theory, from the start) would have never, even if it's logically speaking, let another person that wasn't her get out of there alive. And even if he wasn't in love with her, he has said multiple times how much potential, strength, and importance he sees in her role.

So it is just stupid to make him vote for Keith and say something extremely damn endearing like "he's the future" instead of saying it about his romantic interest.

Not to mention that they could have easily fixed this if they wanted Allurance to be canon. They could've made the bond and conflict Allura has with Keith deeper by making her vote for Keith and saying he is the future for being half-galra (something that is personal to Allura and it would've made more sense for her to say and eat her pride and hatred towards the galra. Character development who?). Then it's just easy to make Lance vote for Allura and make him go "She's our princess and her strength is what the world needs and the universe would be lost without her" or some bullshit like that. And then make Keith vote for Lance because the joke was actually perfect and I have nothing against it and it's pretty in character for him to say "I don't wanna be stuck with him" instead of saying that he truly believes Lance is crucial for the future. And idk, make Pidge and Hunk vote for each other because they are best friends and it makes sense to reaffirm their bond (although I do find really cute and in character their original votes).

I am just saying what we already knew and is that Allurance was so not planned and they could've written a way better build-up. And look, it would've still been shitty and forced and awful but at least it would've been written thoughtfully. Kind of. Instead, we got... Deeper bonding between Lance and Keith? And I am the first one to say that they barely have scenes together with the amount of drama people make about their canon relationship but... Why give these two this moment (plus the other two only emotional and well-written scenes of season 8) that could've been great to build up another romantic relationship?

[shock-micro]

it's so weird how the internet just chooses someone to hate on and then forget about

i remember there was so much hatred for, like, ed sheeran. did he even do anything other than make music? clearly it didn't have all that much impact if he's still making music and nobody gives a shit anymore lol

anyway what a world we live in that ed sheeran did a song for the credits of a pokemon game, and toby fox remixed said song for the credits of its dlc. and they're both actually good songs but the internet just decided it's bad bc ed sheeran

[glowskelly]

Just a thought...

The way Umbrella Academy fans treat Allison is very much rooted in racism. Y'all use what Allison did to Harlan and Luther to justify your hatred, but never had the same hatred for the non-black characters when they also exhibited horrible behaviors.

The entire family (except for Allison) voted to hand Harlan over to the Sparrows, who were most likey going to violently torture and kill him for what happened to Jayme and Alphonso...

Allison pushed her grief aside when she was at her absolute lowest and decided to help Viktor sneak Harlan out of the hotel. She understood Viktor's love for Harlan and didn't want him to lose a loved one the way she did. What triggered Allison to act out violently was finding out that Viktor was lying to her about Harlan being the reason Claire was gone, even after she went out of her way (and risked all of their lives) to help get Harlan away from the others.

So, why are y'all ONLY hating on Allison for killing Harlan when the rest of the siblings were literally planning on sending him to his death?

Y'all will cry: "HoW cOuLd AlliSon KiLl SomEbOdY!?!?!"

Five, the assassin, would've done the same thing. He made it very clear he didn't give a shit about Harlan. We literally saw Five slaughter an entire commission board on screen in season 2.

(Also - mini side tangent- Five pisses me off for continuously telling his siblings to their faces every season that he doesn't care about their personal problems. Because WTF do you mean you don't care about your niece being obliterated when you told Allison back in season one that you'd love to meet her one day??? I guess that was a lie!)

I've also seen fans attack Allison for trying to torture information out of Sloane as if Diego wasn't right there encouraging Allison to do it. Diego had a knife to Sloane's throat and was about to kill her. But y'all gave Diego a pass and placed all your negative judgements on Allison.

On the topic of Luther and Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault:

Did y'all forget that Klaus started a cult and was having sex with the members of said cult? Which is NONconsensual because you can't consent to someone who has manipulated and brainwashed you into being obsessed with them. Sound familiar? ("I heard a rumor you want me")

What Klaus did was awful and disgusting but y'all will ignore the actions of your white fan favorite characters because they can do no wrong in your eyes. I love Klaus, but I also acknowledge that he is an incredibly shitty person most of the time. Attention-seeking, manipulative, selfish, and in the words of Robert Sheehan: "a sociopath"!!! 

I'm not defending Allison's actions. We should criticize her! What I'm saying is, you can't only shit on the Black woman. Choosing to ignore the horrible things that other characters have done and putting all your energy into hating Allison is, in fact, racist.

I mean, christ, I've seen fans say nicer things about REGINALD than they have about Allison. People were blaming Allison for what Reggie did to Luther and Klaus toward the end of season 3, as if Allison wasn't also being manipulated and taken advantage of by their father. I've even seen people go as far as wishing extreme violence and death upon Allison.

All the Hargreeves are deeply flawed and fucked up people, it's what makes them so complex and interesting to watch. As a Black woman, I'll forever be disappointed in the TUA fandom for choosing to single out and demonize Allison while simultaneously putting her non-black siblings on a pedestal.

[ashgunnywolf]

Being a freak of nature is hard. Being the freak of nature spawn of two other freaks of nature is harder. Being the manifestation of the trauma of the two biggest fucking idiots on the planet is downright unbearable. Being stuck in a damned thermos for fucking YEARS? Torture.

It's only natural to want to burn all of existence to the ground. To make everyone else hurt exactly as much as he does. Who cares about the universe? No one who lives there ever loved him. Not all of him. Not the ugly parts.

And there's nothing left of him but ugly parts.

Danny, fool that he is, couldn't bear the vision of what he could become, so he quite literally bottled him up and ripped him out of reality and asked the undead god of time to pretty please keep this awful thing on your shelf where I don't have to look at it.

He couldn't even sleep in the thermos. Did time even pass outside the insulated metal walls of the thermos, in the halls of Clockwork's lair? It felt like eternity. Existing without sensation, drifting in limbo, unable to even move... Surely this was hell. What he deserved.

And when confronted with that wicked thermos again, all the oceans of anger and rage and hatred parted, and everyone could see what he really was.

Lonely. And scared.

He didn't want to be alone again.

He wasn't a version of Danny that was driven to madness. He was a Vlad who refused to accept that he was all alone, and he was a Danny who couldn't bear the reality of how alone he really was.

And more than that, he was that kindred energy drawn together into one being.

How dare others have families? How could anyone even think to feel things like joy and comfort when he was so alone? Didn't anyone CARE?!

And then this reality's Vlad gave him a body. He looked like Danny again. He was human again, something that can eat and sleep and shit.

When he was pulled from the stasis tank and given a towel to wipe the slime off his skin - he had SKIN again, real human skin with blood vessels and a pleasant pinkish hue instead of undead grey - Vlad called him Daniel.

"How do you feel, Daniel?"

He winced despite himself.

"What is it?"

"I... I don't know what to call myself," he admitted. "I AM Danny, but you know as well as I that half of me is you."

Vlad furrowed his brow. "I see." He sat in silence for a moment, then asked, "Would you like to choose a name? It doesn't have to be right now."

He shrugged. "I suppose."

Vlad placed a hand on his shoulder. "I can't imagine what you feel right now. You've been through so much..."

He wrapped his arms around himself, and it struck him how natural it felt to be so small again. "You know some of it. You lived it, to a point."

"Right." Vlad slouched, looking away. "Driven by what I thought was vengeance. But all along, I was just afraid of accepting the truth. That I was alone."

He interjected, "So was Danny. He was driven to cleaving himself in two because he couldn't bear the loneliness either."

He continued, "The two of you are more alike than you realize. Not only because you're both half-ghost. You're two of a kind. Why else would the worst parts of the two of you fuse so seamlessly... into this?" He gestured at himself. "Selfish, petty, vindictive... lonely..."

Vlad took the towel and ruffled it over his soaked hair. "I wanted Daniel to be my son. Not just to punish Jack. I truly wanted him by my side."

He chuckled. "I remember." He drummed his fingers on his knee, feeling the bones vibrate under his flesh from the gentle impact.

"If it's any consolation, he wanted you in his own way." He shrugged. "I can't speak to how he feels about you now, after everything that's happened..."

"That's alright."

"...but if I were to guess, I'd say part of him is still drawn to you."

Vlad raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

He was about to reply when his stomach gurgled. His eyebrows shot upward and he clutched his gut. "I'm... hungry."

A small smile crept onto Vlad's face. "So you are. What would you like to eat?"

He looked down at his feet and thought about it. "I don't know. What would you eat?"

"I was planning to have lobster with bechamel and a side of asparagus."

He nodded slowly. "That sounds good."

Vlad laughed. "Better than Daniel's usual diet of Nasty Burger, right?"

He snarled, baring his teeth - flat human teeth, not his fangs, so some of the bite was lost.

"Not a fan of Nasty Burger? Neither am I."

He glared at Vlad. "I do NOT want to talk about that."

Vlad held up his hands in surrender. "Fair enough."

Lunch... was nice. He hadn't realized how much he missed eating. Properly eating, not just tearing people's flesh with his teeth.

Vlad kept looking up at him from across the table and smiling. He tried hiding it from him, only doing it when he thought he wasn't looking, but it was obvious.

He didn't hold it against the man. He enjoyed the company, too. It was nice to not be alone anymore.

[marshmallowprotection]

Do you know why Saeran interrupted Rika when she was showing her true feelings in After ending 3rd day? The first time I saw this I was amused. There must be something behind that request, right, because it's like well.... Who wants ice cream?

I think, before anything, we have to remember that Saeran went into that day knowing that he wouldn't survive the next. He wanted to do everything he could to get closure and make peace with everything before his untimely death. He understood that even if the RFA did all they could for him, his Father could more likely than not kill him just before they arrived to save the day.

So, to make his plan work, there were only a few options given to him, and he took those choices and made the best of them. His choice, in that moment, was to make do with what he had.

Confronting both Jihyun and Rika was important to Saeran's healing journey at that moment. He knew that if he was going to die, he had to find peace, and that meant navigating a conversation with the two of them about the past and present. When he speaks to Rika, he says what's in his heart, but he doesn't say everything he could say. While he's in Jihyun's house, he knows that not only does he need to be on guard because of MC and Saeyoung's safety, he needs to make sure the secret agents don't do anything rash.

Even though the secret agents are being paid to turn a blind eye, that doesn't mean they wouldn't step in if Rika and V didn't hold up their end of the bargain. Saeran knew that. He knew that if Rika became as angry as she could be, not only would the agents hurt them, but they would hurt Saeyoung and MC in the process. Contrary to what most people would prefer Saeran to feel, he doesn't want Rika or V to be in a situation where they suffer, even if they've made Saeran suffer.

He doesn't want anyone to suffer ever again.

So, when Rika begins to spiral, Saeran steps in to say something that would placate her and distract her from her collapse. The visual novel you're talking about is one where Rika slaps the shit out of Saeran in response to him not being Ray. Ray, the son Rika molded out of fear and trauma in Mint Eye, who would always be dependent upon Rika and never abandon her because she promised to never abandon him.

Saeran understands what Rika wanted, she wanted a family that had no choice but to stay with her so she'd never be left behind again. He saw how she abandoned Mint Eye when they didn't pan out, he saw how she made a deal with the Prime Minister to get herself a family that would be forced to stay with her no matter what, and he saw the pain in her heart that brought her to that place.

He knows what she's dreaming of, but he doesn't mince words in saying that she won't be able to have that.

Because he won't go back to what she forced Ray to be.

More than anything, as he's gone on his healing journey, he's realized that he doesn't want to live his life in hate. He confesses that he does posses hatred, and that a part of him DOES hate her, but he doesn’t want to be consumed by that feeling. He offers her kindness when he knows most people wouldn't give it to her, and there's a part of him that doesn't want to give it to her either, but he would rather choose kindness than continue to live in agony the way that she and Jihyun have.

He has seen them destroy each other and themselves, and he doesn’t want to live that way. He wants to live his final moments in peace, choosing kindness and love instead of hatred and anger, and he knows that doing so will only cause Rika to spiral more and more. After all, I need to ask you, do you remember what Rika's final words were to GE Saeran in Ray Route?

Him saying that he wants ice cream is a diversionary tactic, but it is also a way to placate her. He gives her what she wants in a sense, prompting her to do something that'll make her feel like they're a family, and it gives him an opening to spend more time with the MC away from Jihyun and Rika. But, he also denies her what she wants, because he makes it clear that he's not going to play along, and he's going to spend the rest of his life fighting if his plan doesn't work out and he's forced to stay there.

That is a proven fact, because one Bad Ending has Saeyoung and Saeran forced into a comatose state because, as Rika says, “It’s a shame you have to sleep all the time… you two put up such a fight to escape when you’re lively.” 

In my opinion, that ice cream comment isn't something that comes out of the blue, it's a sure way to stop her from spiraling and making things worse for all of them, but it's one way he can impart a single form of sympathy toward her. He understands what's going through her mind a lot more than she realizes, and she doesn't like that. She doesn't like that because she's been living in anguish and denial for so long that confronting the truth does nothing but tear her apart on the inside. 

We could argue left and right if this was a kindness toward Rika on Saeran's part, but I can confirm that it was more-so for the sake of Saeyoung and MC. There's a part of Saeran that doesn't want to hate Rika, either... and that part didn't just come with him learning how to forgive himself and accept what happened. It's that part of his heart that never wanted to be cruel to begin with... even if people were all but cruel to him.

Her sudden “transformation” after her heated conversation with Saeran prompts Jihyun to tell him about Mother Choi’s murder. I'm not happy about the way he did that, because it seemed less like it was for Saeran and more like it was for Rika's sake. Because, Jihyun understands Rika will never change unless she confronts the crux of her devil.

The point of no return prompted her to take her plans for Mint Eye with Mika seriously, and create something that allowed her to have the perfect family where nobody could leave her ever again, even if they knew she was a “devil”. 

And by changing, I don't mean "Rika is forgiven for all the horrible things she's done because she confessed to doing them." I mean, changing as in, "Confronting what she's done to everyone by taking accountability for her actions, doing the right thing by helping Saeran and then handing herself over to the authorities to server her prison sentence out with an admission of guilt. Knowing that she may not be forgiven by anyone, and that her actions are chosen because it's the right thing to do, not because she believes she'll win people back into her life for FINALLY doing the right thing."

Rika begins to confess everything she's done wrong in front of Saeran and he knows her psyche is fragile.

As vindicating as it would be to hear her own her damn words in that moment, he knew there was only one option. Saeran had to distract her long enough to get Saeyoung and MC out. That's why he opens his heart the way he does once Saeyoung and MC get far, far away. That's when Saeran is wholly truthful, more than he was during the day, because he can finally speak freely without the fear of losing his love and Saeyoung.

Nothing holding him back.

Never again.

But, I'll admit, if you look at the conversation without context, if you have someone confessing they've committed countless crimes like that in front of you, and you just blurt, "WHO WANTS ICE CREAM?" Yeah, that sounds silly.

[kitkatt0430]

Something that's been rattling around for some years now...how exactly would Slade have reacted if it had been Oliver who was the one killed by Ivo? How would that have rippled out into the Arrowverse? Would the Undertaking have succeeded or would a Mirakuru enhanced Slade along with Sara and Shado - presuming they also managed to survive the Island - have managed to get to Starling anyway, if they'd managed to retrieve The List?

I had not considered this kind of AU before but now you are giving me ideas... ^_^

So I do think Slade would still have reacted really badly. Honestly, I think the only death out of the trio he wouldn't have reacted badly to while hopped up on Mirakuru is Sara because he didn't know her well enough. But while Slade was in love with Shado, he'd still come to care a great deal about Oliver despite Oliver sleeping with Shado. (Oliver still in the 'cannot do relationships that aren't super messy' stage of his life, it's still hilarious to me that his relationship struggles on the 'present' day part of the show are still improvements on his past relationship screw ups.)

Slade would probably handle things a bit better at first, but much like how canon Slade started hallucinating Shado in his anger/grief over her death, I think he'd start to see Oliver as the representative of the Mirakuru anger/paranoia/mental instability it induces and he'd still wind up become a problem that Shado, Sara, and Ivo's prisoners have to deal with after Ivo himself is killed.

Rewind a bit to the moment of Ollie's death. He's still put on the spot by Ivo, who is a rapist and misogynist and all around piece of shit. Ollie can't choose who lives and who dies. At least not between Shado and Sara. So Oliver says "me. Shoot me" and Ivo does it. He thinks it'll be easier to keep two women in check anyway, he doesn't know that Shado's a badass and that killing Oliver in front of Sara (after threatening to kill her first) is gonna be the snapping point for his 'docile lab assistant/rape victim'.

For drama, Oliver's death isn't immediate. He's shot in the chest maybe? Somewhere where he has just long enough to make a dying declaration, passing on the List and what little he knows about it to Sara and Shado. I think Sara would hang on to it, but it could honestly go either way.

Events would then play out similarly to how they did in canon. Except I think Shado would be more willing to take the chance that the cure would work on Slade. She just lost Oliver and despite Slade probably physically assaulting her in his growing anger... she doesn't want to lose Slade again to. She knows she's losing him to the Mirakuru but as long as he's alive there's a chance of saving him.

Of course, we don't really know if this iteration of the cure was correct or not. It looks superficially like the cure Caitlin and Cisco come up with years later but it wasn't developed off the real Mirakuru serum. Ivo made it based off his faulty, bastardized version of Mirakuru.

So this could go one of a few ways. It works, Slade returns to normal, he has to come to grips with his behavior over the last few days and the way he threatened Shado, but it's better than having to live with years of hurting people in a mentally altered state and then having his sanity forced back on him to have to live with it.

Or it doesn't work, it doesn't have any effect, and Shado has to kill him and she's more effective at it than Ollie was at that point in time. So Slade dies. Or maybe she's not more effective because she does return Slade's feelings after all but found Oliver more approachable of the two for a casual relationship. She can't bring herself to be as brutal as necessary to kill someone with Mirakuru, assumes Slade drowns, and instead Slade's attraction turns into a burning hatred that focuses on Shado and her sister down the line.

Or the cure reacts badly to the OG Mirakuru and it kills Slade stone dead and Shado has to live with the fact that her attempt to save him was what killed him.

I favor the Slade lives but is still Mirakuru Man option, but all of these scenarios are really interesting ideas to explore and there are probably more variations that could be considered. These were just the big ones that stood out to me immediately.

If Sara still washes up where Nyssa finds her - Sara still in possession of the List because it's all she's got left of Oliver - then this of course complicates things. A lot. Canonically Sara doesn't go back until after the Undertaking, but I could see the List burning a hole in her pocket, as it were. The League offers her a chance to develop her skills, but she's basically saying screw you to Oliver's memory if she hooks up with League permanently.

While Sara is dealing with League bullshit, Shado would take Oliver's place in washing up in Hong Kong. But I honestly don't see ARGUS being interested in her the way they were with Oliver. Oliver was useful because he was considered dead already, amongst other reasons. But Shado wasn't missing that long comparatively and is able to return to her life as a pre-med student and reunites with her sister Mei.

It takes some doing, but Shado is able to transfer to a school in Starling City to complete her pre-med education abroad. There she's able to track down the Queen's easily and the Lances only slightly less so.

She makes an appointment with Moira first and while she doesn't have the List, Shado does have Oliver's picture of Laurel which proves to Moira that Shado is telling the truth. It's a sanitized version of the truth, but Shado basically tells her that Shado met Oliver when she was kidnapped and brought to an island off of the China coast and used to blackmail her father into behaving. Oliver was there, someone her father had been mentoring to survive, and he'd been entrusted with protecting Shado. And he'd done so with his life. Probably vaguing things so that Ivo sounds like he's part of the group that murdered her dad, leaving out Sara and Slade entirely, and crying rather than being specific about Oliver's death because there are some things Moira doesn't need to hear. Shado is able to confirm Robert Queen's death too, which maybe gives Moira the push she needs to move on with Walter if she hasn't already.

Shado's visit with the Lances goes differently in that she's telling them that Sara might actually still be alive. Oliver's photograph of Laurel is once again Shado's ticket to being believed, which she gives to Laurel. She explains again how she knew Oliver, but actually brings up Sara here and Ivo being someone who both rescued and abused her. She probably still leaves out Slade and connects herself and Sara being lost at sea again to Ivo's death after Oliver's murder.

I think Quentin would probably still think Sara was dead despite Shado's earnest belief that Sara was strong and survived, but he'd greatly appreciate Shado telling him about his daughter and offer to be someone she can count on like family while she's in the states. Laurel - and definitely Dinah - would take hope that Sara is alive and will come back to them eventually, however.

Shado probably also got back into contact with Anatoly and some of the other survivors of the island, though not to the degree that Oliver did. Instead, Shado starts looking into what she remembers of the List immediately, setting herself up as the vigilante the Hood years before Oliver would have. She can only remember a few names from the List but she also knows that if Robert Queen had one then it stands to reason Moira might have one or at least that Robert had a backup.

So her first point of order is to get her hands on a copy of the List. She targets one of the names she remembers first, and while Shado can prove he's a shitty person by the time she's done and the guy goes to jail, she's SoL on the List. Shado turns to breaking and entering, sneaking into the Queen's home while they're out one day and there she eventually strikes paydirt, finding a little book that looks just like the one Ollie gave Sara. It's blank, but it's got the symbol of the Undertaking stamped in it, so Shado takes it and books it. Moira probably assumes Malcolm took it and the two have some bitchy power plays that eventually settles back into a frigid status quo.

Meanwhile, back at the League. Sara's got a mission already. The List. Fulfilling Ollie's last wish, to right the wrongs Robert Queen was part of. But she's also got a cute girl and her long-lived assassin-leader father to contend with. I can see her making a deal with Ra'as, who clearly does not approve of Nyssa's attraction to Sara. Train her, use her, and let her be a distraction for Nyssa for a while. When he tires of Sara, let her return to her old life as a sleeper assassin should he have need of her.

Honestly, it's not a bad deal for Ra'as because it gets Nyssa out of his hair for a while as he figures out who he's going to betroth her to. (Let his daughters marry for love or accept that one is a lesbian? Ra'as? Nope, he's not doing that.) Sara, of course, falls in love with Nyssa, but what's a girl to do? She knows better than to think she can save Nyssa from Ra'as, and so in a few years when he decides Nyssa's infatuation with Sara is getting to be too much of a distraction instead of just enough of a distraction, Sara returns to Starling City. She feels woefully unprepared to return because she's an assassin now and her family deserves better than her.

But still. She has her mission and she's gonna fulfill it. So Sara gets 'rescued' somewhere in maybe India or the Middle East and returns home.

All this time, Shado has been using the List 2.0 to figure out what the hell Robert Queen was involved in. She's become a local hero, no longer the Hood but the Green Arrow. With Laurel's non-vigilante-as-of-yet help after shenanigans. Tommy's too, he's the financial backer until he gets cut off but this Tommy planned ahead and had some money squirreled away in his name, maybe some stocks (including some STAR Labs stock that's lucrative right now but'll bite him in the butt come a couple more years), and a night club set up atop the arrow cave as a nod to Tommy and Oliver's childhood dream of running one together. Maybe Shado even got to name it Verdant, or maybe it's named something else entirely.

When Sara shows up, I think she'd confide in Shado about what happened to her but on the promise that Laurel never finds out. Sara would take up as the Canary and help try to stop the Undertaking too. Malcolm is, unbeknownst to them, the bad guy they're trying to stop.

Since Oliver was the connection that brought in Dig and Felicity, they're having relatively normal lives. Tommy's been learning to use a bow from Shado since he doesn't want her out there alone - Sara showing up and being her backup is a big relief for him. There's probably some Tommy/Laurel going on with Shado having bad luck with relationships - men and women alike. So maybe some Shado/Sara while Sara mourns leaving Nyssa behind and Shado is well aware this is more of a friends with benefits thing.

I could see this team up discovering that Malcolm is the Dark Archer and the mastermind behind the List - the Undertaking - eventually. Likely when Malcolm brings - successfully this time around - Tommy into his panic room for some reason. Tommy would have to essentially be undercover as himself trying to figure out what's going on and while I don't think they'd find the second bomb in time, I think they'd at least learn about it a little earlier. They'd still defuse bomb #1 and save a lot of lives. Tommy and Laurel would both survive, though they'd be evacuating as many people from the Glades as they could. Moira probably wouldn't fare as well in the aftermath, though, without Oliver to convince her to do the right thing at the last minute. Though perhaps Tommy gets through to her?

Of course, they'd have a lot of different issues from canon to deal with. Shado would have to worry about her student visa and transitioning from pre-med into a rigorous medical degree course that probably meant she was very slow about targeting the List compared to Oliver going after a new villain every week. She'd also likely be trying to gain citizenship in order to stay in the life she'd made for herself there, which would be easier for her than some given her lawyer friend Laurel helping out. And the power of being the protagonist.

Obviously it could all play out as a worst case scenario - Shado stays in Hong Kong with her sister, Sara doesn't return until after the Undertaking, and Tommy dies saving his girlfriend Laurel.... but I like the idea that in spite of a nail, there would still be a Green Arrow in Starling City.

Of course, if Slade survived and is still Mirakuru Man, then it could be the Undertaking that brings Starling City, and thus Shado, back into his crosshairs. This would also wind up dragging Mei into the middle of things, because I could see Slade going after her to bait Shado. And perhaps as a side plot, Tommy learns that Thea is his sister and that Malcolm is still alive. Despite Moira's protests, I could see Tommy recognizing what would protect Thea from Malcolm most is knowing the truth. And he'd tell her.

Honestly... I don't see Moira and Thea's relationship ever recovering in this timeline. Maybe they get back on good terms one day, but Thea's never close to her again. Thea has Walter and Tommy and that's all the family she wants or needs.

[extra-virgin-oliver-oil]

a lament in being trans

tw/ transphobia, dysphoria, self-hatred, fear, homophobia, and a few others (please tell me if this needs to be updated/fixed)

look. i'm a trans male. i'm a teenager in high school. and i'm fucking terrified. i hate the idea that i won't be able to grow up like some of my other friends because of what's going on in the world. i'm scared that i'm going to die young and that they're gonna bury me with the wrong name and wrong clothes. it scares me that i'm hated because i don't identify with what i was born as. im tired of 'friends' saying that i 'look better when i embrace my girly side' and that 'you should just be a girl till you can choose as an adult'. like i'm sorry that i don't fit your definition of what i should be. it's not fucking fair that what are supposed to be the best years of my life have been taken from me because of petty shit. i by no means have dealt with the violence and hatred that Nex, Brianna, Jacob and so many of my other trans brothers, sisters, and siblings under any form of the umbrella have faced. They all deserve to be around instead of being forced to live and die in fear. Nex deserved to live so much longer he did. Brianna should be alive today. Jacob didn't deserve to be lured under false pretenses to be murdered. i want justice. i want revenge. but most of fucking all i want safety. and i don't know that i can get that in my lifetime

[raayllum]

I don't know if you've already posted about this, but why do you think Claudia seems to have a strong hatred towards Rayla that she refuses to acknowledge her and refers to her as "their elf" in her reflection short story. Could it stem from Rayla being the catalyst that essentially turns Claudia's world upside-down, or does it stem from a sort of jealousy somehow?

Oh bless, as I was just thinking about Claudia's end of her and Rayla's dynamic (given that she also has more of one, tbh)

I've written metas about Rayla and Claudia's dynamic previously (X, X, X, X) but most of that has been from a Foils perspective rather than an interpersonal one. For that, I'd recommend the fic I co-wrote, "if heaven and hell decide," a S2 divergence where Claudia and Soren don't betray the trio right away at the Moon Nexus, and thereby spend the bulk of the season actually travelling together as a group.

As to your actual point of Claudia's view on Rayla, well, first and foremost:

Rayla is an elf, and that means she's not a Person.

“So are you two… Did I interrupt something? Between you and… your elf?” Claudia asked, lifting her eyebrows slightly. (—Book Two: Sky novelization)

Where Terry and Aaravos are exceptions, likely precisely because they are willing to help Claudia with her goals, Rayla is never anything more than an obstacle, and there is never ever given even a shred of conceivable 'humanity'. This is best seen in her response of her smiling at the prospect of Soren murdering Rayla, citing not even that the girl is an assassin, but that she's an elf (although, with Moonshadow elves, that could easily be one in the same):

It is also most likely, given that Claudia is the one (1) other character we see refer to elves as bloodthirsty (whereas Viren reassures Runaan that his drink is berry juice) that Claudia learned stories about elves from Amaya and then told Callum and/or reaffirmed stories that Callum heard from his aunt.

Never mind in the one (1) interaction they've had, it was Rayla arguing that the dragon egg was a baby who deserved to go back to its mother. Claudia didn't even see or know for sure that Rayla had threatened the boys, and saw that Rayla was speaking with them and only (visibly) drew her swords once Claudia showed up.

Claudia's malleable stakes of what constitutes a person reinforced that while despite definitely knowing Rayla's name (Callum introduces her and says it a few times around Claudia) and knowing Rayla's features well enough to pick up that Lain and Tiadrin are her parents (also makes sense, given that being a dark mage means being able to differentiate and identify a lot of very similar looking components), Claudia never uses Rayla's name. Not once.

Zym, with thoughts and feelings and a name and a mother, is not a person. Magical creatures with lives and cultures and languages and families, families she knows Rayla gives a shit about because that's precisely what she weaponizes against her (comparing it to her love for Terry), are not People to her.

And this all loops back into Claudia's big cognitive dissonance, which is that even when she and Rayla are doing or want the exact same thing, Rayla deserves to suffer and/or be punished for it, because Claudia (in her mind) is a Person with Understandable Good Motivations, and Rayla is not.

Keep in mind that Claudia saw Ezran and then Callum consciously choose to go with Rayla. She saw Callum hesitate and then chain her to a wall, stealing her primal stone without Rayla saying a word. Hell, Ezran is even the one Claudia sees take the lead ("Follow me") that Rayla follows. That kidnapping the princes is literally exactly what Claudia is going to do an episode from now, and while she apologizes, she cites, "I have to do what's right" and when she and Soren are punished upon their homecoming (much like Rayla in S3) with being seen as traitors, Claudia insists, "We didn't do anything wrong!"

Aaravos whispering in her ear takes this up a notch, to the degree that Claudia claims that intergenerational trauma is a uniquely human trait that the elves and dragons couldn't possibly understand:

Which like, dehumanization and being willing to cause suffering generally go hand in hand, both IRL and in the show, so that absolutely tracks. But despite literally being an assassin that she knows killed the king, Claudia never shows the same vitriol towards Runaan. If anything, she seems almost sympathetic in the one scene we see of her with him, even if she also took him for "practical" (dark magic "uses".

So why does she seemingly hate Rayla, then, so specifically? Well...

In season one, losing the egg can't be the boys' fault (they're spelled, they're innocent, they're—) and it can't be Claudia's fault (she's going to get it back, really, just like her dad asked), so it must be Rayla's. She invaded Claudia's home. She stole the boys away. She's the one literally stepping in between her and Zym, between her and her goal, between her and her dad's approval. Absolutely not. This evil elf's braid (however cute) will be her undoing. (The fact that the braid is a symbol of someone who loved Rayla is just the icing on the cake, tbh, symbolically.)

Then in season two, Claudia actually meets Rayla and realizes very quickly that Callum is inordinately Close to her. She's seen them interact twice — Callum, noticing that Rayla is missing in the middle of the night, running to her aid, and being in defensive stance for her, not Claudia and Soren; Callum and Rayla sitting closely on a bed, Rayla looking like she's about to nervously confess something while Callum listens patiently, regrouping for their own convo the same way Claudia and Soren did — before she assumes there Might be something between them. Not just that Rayla might've caught feelings for the boy Claudia's always been gently teasing, but that Callum — whose knowingly liked Claudia forever, and whose feelings Claudia has always been very confident in — might've fallen for her, too, in only a week or so's time. Which says a lot, I think.

Then, even after not knowingly doing anything wrong to Callum - and to Claudia, all she's trying to do is safely bring the boys home and keep a weapon from falling into Xadia's hands - he still lies to and betrays her in his own way. With a moon illusion magic spell that Rayla was blatantly, clearly, in on (even if Claudia may not know it was literally Rayla's idea). And that, of course, Callum ultimately trusted this elf over her; it was Callum setting his own Test of Love for Claudia in a lot of ways, and she failed just about as poorly as she possibly could.

She and her brother take down a dragon, and there's the elf, again, getting in their way and wasting their time. But she does present an opportunity: she can lead them to Callum and Ezran. Only Callum shows up - and Claudia doesn't know whether this was the plan or not - willing to do dark magic - which he wasn't before when he offered it - with an angry, vengeful look on his face. Him breaking the chains, and Rayla freeing the dragon (as Soren says) is what leads to her brother becoming paralyzed. And although Claudia doesn't want to think of the lingering ramifications, that is still the moment she knows on a certain level that she Loses her family, because the second Soren tells her that their dad tried to kill the princes, she can't actually come back from that unscathed. From this until the end of S3, she's in damage control trying to hold onto both her father and her brother at any cost.

And I'm not gonna summarize further (after all, it doesn't seem that Claudia knows Rayla was the one who killed Viren, otherwise I don't think she ever would've given back the coins come hell or high water or a massive character arc) but I think it's a few things:

Rayla is an elf, and a Moonshadow elf, and all that comes with it in regards to dehumanization and demonization. A process that Rayla never returns (admitting the pancakes are good, looking happy for Callum when things seem to be okay / Claudia understands why their mission is important)

Rayla's presence and influence being the consistent through line that ruined Claudia's life, culminating in the literal (unknown) death of her father.

Rayla is an enemy by default and because she creates instability / disruption. The boys trust her over Claudia, which would've been unthinkable a week or perhaps a day ago; Soren is on her side and is the primary elf that he presumably knows; Rayla has Callum's loyalty/devotion, not Claudia - not anymore (which, I will be interested to see if they ever give us a moment where Claudia puts it together that they're a thing, but I'd be fine without one, lol).

Claudia already has a smug streak (see plenty of her interactions with Soren and Callum, and even Terry and Viren) and enjoys feeling more secure / in control. Claudia being able to lord something (the coins) over someone has magic ("We were born with nothing") and who just threatened someone she loves... Claudia being able to get Rayla back for tricking her all those years ago?

TLDR; I think there's jealousy for the life Claudia perceives Rayla has having / having 'stolen' from her (for all she knows, Rayla has been living a cushy life in Katolis with the boys the past two years) and for having earned Callum's trust so decidedly and drastically. I think Rayla, subconsciously, is where Claudia has levelled a lot of blame in how her life turned out (because it can't be her own fault; she can't Be Wrong; the dragons leaving the Storm Spire is a "Sign" she's on the Right path, isn't it?), partially grounded in reality, but mostly not. Rayla is just the easier person to blame, and well... Rayla also has a habit of destroying / fucking things up, mostly unintentionally. Claudia's life might as well be one of them, at this point.

[lutawolf]

TharnType Episode 4

My other reviews can be found here. In each of my posts, I find myself having to constantly explain why problematic art is necessary, but it's also about rights. If someone is allowed to tell you what is appropriate art, they are essentially telling you how to think and feel. It negates the ability to think for yourself, and I will fight tooth and nail for that.

As many of you have seen from my reviews, there are toxic things in what MAME writes, but there are good things too. A lot of important things that can be learned from even problematic art. History is filled with people who've grabbed artworks, from paintings to books and put them away, saying they were not appropriate or okay. Dictatorships that states that as a society we are incapable of censoring itself. It was someone else saying that they knew what was best for us, even though there was no harm.

That's the reason I don't have ownership and rights over my own body. Because someone else said they have the right to decide for me. That they would tell me what to do with my body because, I might not make the decision they deem correct. And before I hear comments of, body rights aren't the same as what these bls are doing. It's all about taking away a person's right to choose and think for themselves.

I'll get off my soap box and start this episode. Sorry! 😘 We start off the series with Type being shredded online by people who assume they have a right to. Never mind that they violated his space and his rights. And people are ganging up on Type despite only hearing one part of the narrative. There is a lot to take in and digest in this work, it's not one dimensional at all.

Tharn comes in looking at Type with pity, which is going to grind a victim/survivor's gears. We want your understanding, not your pity. I'm not going to tell you my story for sympathy, I don't fucking want it, I had enough of that to make me sick. Nothing will cause hackles to go up faster on a survivor than that look he is giving right there.

Why Type says is very valuable here. He says, do you hate me for what I said or are you using me as an excuse to diss homosexuals. Now think about it, Type didn't want to live with Tharn, but other than that we don't see talking shit about homosexuals. He doesn't want to associate, and he doesn't want them to touch him, but he doesn't say anything until Tharn because Tharn is in his space. He needs him out of his space because he's scare. Furthermore, he is fully aware that his hate is irrational, but he is unable to change it. Not necessarily because he doesn't want to, but because the block is so high and heavy. He sees this as his karma. Another indication that he is well aware that his hatred isn't right. MAME is trying to show that sometimes hatred has a deep seeded reason. Doesn't make that hatred right, but shouldn't we have compassion? Are all of us so guilt free and bias free that we have the right to not show compassion?

"Nosy and worry have two different meanings." Tharn is reacting to Type with kindness and it's making ripple effects. You can see it. Type recognizes it and puts up his angry wall to cover his weakness. Tharn sees through it though and grabs onto him. Type has been in days of regression and stress, so he immediately freaks. But Tharn only wants to be him to eat. Then they begin to talk and Tharn tells Type that he doesn't care what others think, he knows he is innocent. This is what breaks Type. Being seen. Tharn begs him to talk to him, but he wasn't expecting the reality of it. The way Type tells the story of his SA is very accurate. I don't know of another way of describing it. It's stark and direct while still carrying emotion. The book is actually much more descriptive, but accurately descriptive. In the book, it talks about sensory memory, which is not something that a nonvictim-survivor is going to think to describe. This is someone who knows exactly what they are talking about and, in my opinion, as someone very familiar with therapeutic writing. Is therapeutic writing. People don't want to hear your story, it hurts them, but it hurts us to keep it in.

Tharn stops him from telling anymore, and that's pretty normal too. When you care about someone, it is very difficult to listen to. When Type tells Tharn he hates him. He returns the comment with compassion. Not hate. Not how he shouldn't lump them all together. But with compassion. Why? Because Type is still hugging him as he says it. There are clear indicators that Type does not hate him or really gays, but he has hard limits that he can't handle.

Everything Type says is valid. Type is very uncomfortable with Tharn there. He just told him something personal and private, and he fears it getting out. Victims and Survivors rarely want their story out. I do it because you guys don't know who I am. I'm anon behind this computer, but in real life. Well, some do because I went to court, but I'm sure as shit not sharing my story. I don't want that pity. That's exactly what Type is worried about, but instead Tharn steps up. He didn't have to, this was an act of love.

Tharn tells Type that he tells them that he likes him. Tharn bites his lip and let's go of his angry death grip. He doesn't hit or yell at him. There is no act of aggression like before. What does this say. It says before we saw acts of homophobia from Type because he was scared. Not, there is a comfort level with Tharn to where he doesn't feel that fear anymore. "We almost tore each other heads off, but if you try to understand him. You know he is a good guy."

Tharn admits that he over pushed his boundaries with Type. Which is what exacerbated the situation with them. He forces them to admit that they touched him. The thing to take from this is Tharn does realize that he is some of the trigger here, and that Type wouldn't typically react like this. He knew they had touched him without having to ask Type. "When people hate someone or something, they don't want to be near them. But you touched him and forced him for photos. How is he wrong if he got mad? And you never asked him why he hates or fears gays." Exactly Tharn, exactly. I mean, the same could be said for Tharn, but he's learning. Sometimes, you learn the hard way.

Type explaining about the media. See, victims and survivors don't like pity for a reason. Honesty leads to honesty. Tharn is honest about liking Type. Then he backs off. Before he would have kept pushing, but now he is backing it off and just letting Type think. See the smile that Tharn gives when Type just lays down. It's a win. There is no anger or raging. He just lays down. No comfort blanket.

Type comes back to the dorm and is his normal aggressive self. Remember, though, that this is used to cover his emotions. Tharn has started to figure this out, hence the smile when Type asked why he came back early. There is now an open, honest communication there, while Type is still using a macho man attitude to hide his insecurities. He isn't lashing out and attacking. There is a release to talking about your trauma, and Tharn gave him that, then he protected him. There was already attraction, but now there are feelings. Type is naturally going to fight this, but Tharn, he understands Type now. Which makes him harder to fight. There is no anger, just compassion, caring, and love. Which is what a victim/survivor longs for.

In the book when Type asks Tharn to sleep with him and Tharn asks who will top. It's pretty accurate, too, and many of you who have read enough of my blog would recognize some things. Such as Type talking about vomiting at the idea. How many of you were even aware that was something at a lot of survivors still do, even years later? The reason why I bring this up, is because I have had so many people be like, "I never heard that MAME was a survivor." Well, it's all right there to see. She doesn't need to verbally tell you. She is telling you through her art, you just have to look.

Type Now, Tharn is one hundred percent aware that Type is not having sex with him due to owing. He knows the attraction is there. He's very politely not calling Type out on it. For Type's part, he's just lying to himself. Which is very human nature. We can clearly see whose experienced sexually and who isn't. Fyi in the book Tharn started having sex at a very early age and admits to being basically a man whore. While Type has had one high school gf.

Book Excerpt: Tharn took out a hand and stroked my back and my tight back muscles. Caressed me contentedly. I always wanted to get touched like that…

Type tells Tharn, "I'm a man, don't treat me as a woman." It's not meant to be a put down to women. It's mean as that macho cover up of, I am never weak. Don't treat me as weak. Then, them going to the doctors to get test together is one of my favorite parts. It's the way Tharn now talks to Type. It's a charming, begging, and canoodling type of way. And it works like a charm, in the way that anger and commands wouldn't work on Type. And Tharn's face, all huge smile when Type says sex only.

Did anybody pay attention to Tharn's sex story? Notice his face. He might be saying it was consensual, and maybe it doesn't haunt him like Type's does, but he regrets it whole heartily.

Techno inviting Tharn is to eat with them is so Techno. He is so shipping them hard. Tharn being thrilled that Type knows his favorite drink. The back and forth truly shows how they are perfect for each other. And can he preform his duty tonight. 🤣🤣🤣

Well, that it for this episode. Hope you guys found it insightful. 💜💜💜

[shadowkat678]

For someone who’s talked so much about the value of hope, I don’t think I’ve been doing much to show that I believe it. Saying, maybe, but not doing. Not really.

I wish I could claim that it’s just been a hard time lately, but that’d be downplaying the length of it. Two years ago I wrote an essay on the concept of Hopepunk by Alexandria Rowland. I wrote that I’d been clinging to the concept like a life raft, but I’m not sure if that’s true. Clinging is active. Drifting might be more apt. Passively draped around it while screaming at others to hold on. I didn’t have the energy myself.

My family likes to tell the story about how I learned to swim, in Florida at my great grandmother’s pool. I was four years old. Stubborn even then, they’d say. Smug, even.

We had a rule like responsible families do that kids had to wear water wings, but I’d been wearing them. The whole trip I’d been wearing them, and I was doing fine. In fact, they were slowing me down. So, I decided I was going to show off, called out for my great gran and mom to watch, tore off the wings, and ran straight for the deep end of the pool.

I don’t remember much after, but I remember somehow making it to the other side of the pool, my mother worried and scolding me as she pulled me out, and my great grandma laughing. The story always ends with my mother mimicking me, saying, “I told you I could” like the smart mouthed child I was. But I also remember the fear before that. The flashes of my head bobbing below the water. Of the glass roof surrounding the pool room above as I tried to orient myself.

Two years ago, after just learning to drive and never living away from family, I moved all the way across the country. My car broke down halfway. The engine was overheating. I tried to keep driving. I’m lucky I made it into the autozone just as it gave out.

My whole life has been me jumping into the deep end, getting out, catching my breath, and doing it again, pushing myself to keep going, with or without the support. But through the last year the weight has increased. The water is deeper now, and the shore is a lot farther away. I’m not sure who’s running to the other side to try and grab me.

When the news broke, I felt like I was finally drowning. On election night (or very early morning, by the time I checked the results) I didn’t sleep, I was too busy crying. The second day I spent sleeping. The third day, I turned to music, old songs made years earlier and still far too relevant. Protest songs. Punk music. Lyrics that screamed the same anger and sadness and loss I felt. The rage at a system that is still continuously failing us and leaving us to tread water.

I didn't know why this hit me harder. Not that other instances had been exactly easy, of course. Then I read a post that someone else wrote.

They'd been used to being angry. Being tired. Being disappointed. But they weren't used to hoping. They let themselves hope. And they watched it implode.

I think one of the reasons I've been so fixated on the idea of hope is because honestly, as much as I like to pretend, I haven't actually had a lot of it.

I knew there was a chance of loss. I knew there were still plenty who supported the policies of Trump, or at the very least overlooked them in the hopes of gaining safety to float away from their own fears and concerns. But the magnitude of it still caught me off guard. The emboldening of those who resonate with him, even if a smaller subsect of the total numbers, frankly scares the shit out of me.

I had hoped that after one term we'd learned. I hoped that while things weren't perfect, the match of progress was going steadily forward, even with backsliding. I hoped that people had become more aware the past few years, even with hatred very much alive and well. Even with genocide. Even with natural disasters. Even with everything else. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, there were enough people that saw now to at least choose someone who'd mitigate the damage of the situation our world is facing, as much as there still is to fight for.

And I watched my hope implode. I watched the country vote across the board for people who have been nothing but loudly vocal about their intentions and hatred. More even than the first go. After we already have been seeing a mass movement to repeal civil rights and protection for minorities and vulnerable populations.

I watched it happen in a way that could not be brushed aside as a near miss. It was a landslide.

I wanted to sink. I felt so tired at that moment. Of fighting. Of hoping. Of seeing the support I’d finally relented into admitting I needed so badly being ripped away from me. Why should I keep swimming if it only ends with me drowning again? Not that this is exactly new for most minorities, but it felt like things were changing. People were waking up. Before it just was. This was a slap in the face.

And yet. And yet.

I started moving anyway. After three or so days, the panic receded, and I started treading water again.

I went to the grocery store. I got hugged by a stranger while I was checking out groceries, and we shared our fears. She told me about her kids. I told her about how I was hoping to start T this year. I cried again in the middle of the check out line.

I went on a walk at 3am and kicked a Trump sign. I didn’t watch the sunset, but I did watch the sunrise. I checked in with friends. I sat with myself. I cried again. I screamed in my car, the same one that has been sitting for three months waiting for a repair that no one in town but the manufacturer can fix an issue with, that’s been booked for one and a half of those months after I dropped 2k on other car issues before that.

I accepted that in no way, shape, or form am I remotely fucking okay. The world is not okay. Genocide. Natural disasters. Climate change. Emerging facism. Those aren’t things you can be okay with if you’re paying attention.

I have no idea what’s going to greet me as I head towards shore. I don’t know exactly what lurks under the water. I don’t even know if there’s going to be a shore to reach.

Part of me feels like raging against that is just a way to cope. But we only have the options in front of us, no matter how tired we are, and despite all these feelings. Despite it all. I’m still swimming, for some fucking reason.

Maybe it’s instinct at this point. That same stubbornness I had as a child pushing back against the waves crashing down around me.

Maybe I just don't want them to get the satisfaction of winning here too.

Feel the feelings. Acknowledge the situation. But FUCK them if they think this is over. If I stop swimming, it will be. At least for me. And I can't let myself accept that.

So I'm going to keep going the same way I always have. Because I can't turn back on what's happened. I can't change it. I can't make the storm in front of me disappear. But I can live through it. I can show up on the other side. I can build another support to help me on the days I'm tired, and I can try my best to build a raft big enough to pull others onto with me.

They can vote away our rights. They can try their best to intimidate us. But they can't make us lay down for it. Be afraid. Be sad. Be angry. But they don't get to drown us. Fuck that.

I've been clinging to hope like a life raft, but hope is motion. Hope is a muscle you train. Hope isn't thrown to you. It's taken and built with bloody, stubborn hands.

Sometimes hope is a burden, not a gift. Sometimes you don't want it. I don't want to fight. I want rest. I want peace. I want safety. But that isn't handed to me either, even if it's unfair.

It's not something you can take and hold and keep. You have to build it up, consciously and constantly. You can share it, but you can't promise it's going to stay without maintenance.

When it's taken, you have to find it again, and you have to accept it's going to hurt every time.

You have to be ready to open yourself to what that means. To hope is to face disappointment, again and again and again, and decide to keep after it anyway, because the only other choice isn't any better.

Sometimes it's more sadness than rage. A quiet voice of longing for what you wish could be, and the knowledge that if no one else is going to make it so, you have a choice if you accept it or try and make the change you long for, even if it's smaller than you'd like, because it's better than nothing. A small act of resisting when your arms feel like lead and you're hardly able to keep your head above the water line.

Self destruction is what they want. Hope is turning the page, even if what comes next is scary, again hoping that eventually a new chapter can be written. It's pushing the boulder up the hill. It's going out in public despite the best efforts to shut you away. It's spite. It's love. It's anger. It's continuing to live despite all efforts to make you choose to the contrary.

And that's how change works too.

Uninteresting times are a myth. The world is always chaos. People are always having to fight for things that in a just world would already exist. This fight, these feelings, aren't new.

Here in the USA where I am, only a few decades ago women couldn't own their own bank account. In my grandmother's lifetime Jim Crow was still in effect. Same sex couples have only been decriminalized since 2003, and still are fighting for that much throughout other parts of the world.

If those who came before us facing injustice gave into these feelings at every setback, we wouldn't be far enough along to feel these losses.

Does that make it sting less? No! It doesn't! But it's still important to remember. It's proof. Hope is not pointless, as much as it hurts. To continue moving forward you have to go through the rough waters.

We're in the storm together now, and there's only one direction we can go to get out. Feel your feelings and please. Keep moving. I love you. I see you. I'm so sorry. But one day the waters will be calmer. Keep allowing yourself to hope. If you struggle to do so alone, let this help to start, when you're ready.

[lamentingocean]

Mongrang X Jaha

[Hazbin Hotel Overlord Edition]

Warning: Murder, a bit NSFW, insults and comebacks towards one another, rivalry, extermination day fighting, chaos, and dark humor.

(Since I don't feel like working on the other x reader, I'm probably being lazy but this will be good for me)

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Jaha- The Crimson Demon of Hell, who is also a conqueror of overlords in the past like alastor, made an appearance in hell due to his dangerously cunning and attractive nature, and became the leader of a big clan, competing with the vees due to his money and his power,

I, for one.

Mongrang- The Lust Devil who owns a sex industry in hell also competing with that moth bitch you call..."Valentino." is a big rival of jaha due to our exact balance of power and abilities as demons of our own, I hate that crazy bastard who lives upon madness and murder throughout his time in hell so I'm pretty sure murdering overlords is his secret hobby. but I can't help but make myself out to be a lustful masochist because I absolutely love jaha's torment against my industry and my soul.

it's a once and a lifetime opportunity to have shit gush through your pants all because of one man who dislikes your mere presence, and so..I chased him through the depths of hell having my own voice scream at him to give me the antidote. I even tried to consult with charlie and her crew at the hotel to tell me where he is because I got a bunch of laughter with my pants being stained with shit, but hench why the princess of hell is such a good soul born in such a hellish environment.

I tried to seduce her, but that didn't work either.

so I ran out of options to catch him so now. Our rivalry towards one another is never going to change until one has to die during extermination day or one has to die during our battle in rivalry. I tried to talk to the vees about what I could do since they were basically a powerful company or a corporation full of fashion..full of sex...full of technology.

but they had no intention to help the lust demon like me. so I shouldn't care about a maniac like him. Most people who choose to rival would rather focus on their own work and prep for the next battle of this rivalry, so I have yet to explain my reasoning for hating on him so much since our hatred for each other also has a active reputation.

Rumors go around like smoke in the air after a wildfire:

"mongrang and jaha's hatred and rivalry is so popcorn worthy, I could almost sit down and watch their spat!"

"Oh my God! It is so fun to watch the two most powerful demons in hell shoot nukes and bombs at each other!"

" my My! I could almost Bing watch the drama of these two!"

some people assumed our reputation as "toxic love" .... "or romantic drama," but I don't know either. my purpose as the lust demon is to make sex and do sex, but it seems that I've noticed one detail about me that every time I seem to remember it. It pisses me off.

I can not seem to find any attraction in woman no matter if it's sex or not, sexual intercourse or not, actual relationship or not. I still...can NOT.

so just leave it be. I shouldn't need to openly spat about him over and over while my girls are waiting to fuck 3 guys in the afternoon because I said no. I treat my employees nice valentino.

I openly drink my vodka while my room is full of knifes of that...crazy bastard so I'm expecting some of my employees to know a new porn film is about to start because I had my employees set up everything while I continue my..obsession.

And that's exactly what happened.

She wore her pornstar wear while knocking on my door, I took a glance right back at her to see her face full of concern for my pictures of jaha all over the wall but to me I thought it's normal to be this obsessive. most people deal with it out of lust, love, or a drive of hatred in life, do you think?

I breathe in and out to calm myself down, turn around, and put on my usual seductive facade to my employees to think I mean business when it comes to sex, even my voice had to be in a specific tone.

"Hello. Are you guys ready?"

"Yes master mongrang,"

at the time, each step I took meant that this facade is slowly breaking me to peices, maybe I have problems, maybe I seem to be...gay, or maybe I just seem to have a burning amount of hatred that it needs to be worked out so I thought:

"Should I kill some people to calm me down since this is hell after all?"

yeah. that's definitely the way to do it since I can't stop thinking about him when I said.."ready set action" to another sex video to send to either a popular website or a live cam. If I try to talk to my employees about it, then I just get angry for flustered. Either way,..therapy or counseling doesn't exist in hell, so why should I even try?

Extermination day.

I try to lock up my doors or hang out with the other overlords to keep myself safe, but each time that happens each year. I see him roaming around the halls while we see the angels stab each demon in the streets so I wouldn't talk to him unless it's rude remarks and comebacks about our occupation.

'You do sex? Lame."

"You own a clan and murders people if you feel like it? ok fucker."

so maybe my obsession has something to do with love, but love doesn't exist in this place full of darkness and fire, either so why would I feel that way?

most female demons I've known throughout my time here tend to gush about him and his long black hair and his blood red eyes. His horns look immaculate and darker than a black hole. I can describe his horns as being like verosika but much larger with a different color pallette.

his man tits is also... something that is brought up many times when I hang out with women during lunch, so could it be love?

either way, extermination day is tomorrow and Charlie..

This time, they had to use an overlord to fight against the angels instead of carmilla and Rosie in their last one. they need two additional overlords to help with the offense and defense of their hotel. she mentioned that she had been eyeing at me and jaha for a while now by the words of lucifer since we are the most powerful demons at this side of the pentagram.

other than the vees.

So I figured: Why not? It could be a chance to know more lore about this obsession of mine, I am equally powerful in combat after all besides jaha soo I had to go up to the black rabbit clan and ask him first.

we finished our video and that's the last one for the rest of the day.

I had to bring my sword just in case I needed to murder some of his gaurds to get into the gate, I walked to his side of hell and the streets of this plate are fucking horrid. remember the time hell used to bow down to lucifer due to his domination and differences in power between all overlords? Well, that no longer happens since he's busy sulking in his room, moping about Lilith. his authority is so gone that it's retarded freaks all over this place who act like maniacs but then again this is hell and it's forever.

I detect many of his gaurd outside his palace, so..I killed them all.

I bust through his gate just to fight more against his demonic heavenly generals, and then I won. since they are sinners and I'm an overlord.

I finally got to his main lobby in the palace just to see him drinking booze on his throne. His eye side-eye looked at me and continued to drink his booze as if he's ignoring me just to get a reaction out of me.

"What?"

"WHAT??"

his lips rose out of the booze and placed it down.

"what the hell do you want?"

"Ahem..look. Charlie wants us to fight against the angels tomorrow in extermination day. So I'm wondering if you want to join in? I mean...we have to help her and her pathetic crew since the angels seem to be coming for her hotel again."

"Us?"

"Yes. So..what?"

jaha lifted himself off the seat and ripped off a piece of the wall, and pointed the sharp side to him.

"You think.. I want to team with you after you were the cause of my death in my human life? Not to mention TRIED to take me down over and over as an overlord? You even tried to gamble for it."

"Look. if we want to die, then we won't die without reason, ok? Even as overlords capable of killing many angels as we can, then we can still die since angels are formidable and powerful."

he dropped the sharp peice of wall on the floor like he's trying to make an example out of something.

"This is us. we drop like flies if we continue to let ourselves cower in our homes, companies, corporations, or clans as the demons of hell continue to be given no afterlife since they are slain with a angelic weapon. you telling me that we are risking our lives for a small hotel crew? they beat them last year. They can do it themselves again."

"You're missing the point. they don't have the exact ways to fight back against the angels like they did last year, so if they want or plead overlords like us to help them stand against the attack then don't you think we should do it? for all we know.. the princess of hell may be dead if we don't take action to do it. same as lucifer fucking morningstar.."

he moved up closer and raised the sharp wall shard to his neck as a small threat.

A bead of demon blood leaked through his neck as mongrang slightly winced in pain.

"She could have easily do some other overlords instead of us. I'm not dying in a war out of protecting a hotel crew. You too.

our rivalry remains intact until we each remain immortal so it could last forever shitrang. let us throw bombs at each other."

"y-you.. sure know how to choose your words correctly. but she could have a better chance a-at winning if we went along with it and helped her out. what's so bad about helping a mere hotel crew?"

"...fine. but let's make a deal.

I'll never associate with your kinky smutty bullshit ever again, and you never associate with mine. understand?"

"No."

his hand grabbed his chin out of his slow closeup to dominate him, knowing mongrang is the type to just be a hard to get one.

"What do you mean.."No" ?"

"I want our rivalry to remain this way for good. even if I seem like a masochist for liking the torment that you're giving me. you seem to be highly...hypnotic to me, or I'm just talking out of my own mind. So just fight with me in the war, and we can go back to it in the aftermath of it, ok?"

"Fine.

Are you...blushing?"

"What? No, I'm not. Are you still a madman?"

somehow, I was allowed to touch his body since my hands touched his waist, and it felt good to me. That's the thing, but his hand was still on my chin, so that's what got me so red looking. but this man is actually attractive. I ignorantly refused to acknowledge that, but he's..

gorgeous.

"You shithole. I'm always a madman I don't know what you're talking about."

"If you're going to talk to me like that, then I have something else in mind for you bitch."

"And what is that?💢"

I took my domination back this time since jaha seems to think he's taking it slowly, so I pinned him to the wall with my mouth close to his.

he seems to drop his composure a bit but built it right back with a chuckle full of challenge.

"This is your idea of "mind?" seems like you don't know to think. trying to seduce me as if you aren't thinking of yourself as gay? ha. what a shitty move. more shitty than a person killing a living animal."

"Shut up."

my mind is screaming so much, so this is love I'm feeling. maybe that's the reasoning why I'm blushing so much.

his eyes are looking dead at me with a face full of agitation, and my hands are colliding with his own, and I'm like damn: this man really is an exact replica of me, but much more different, cunning, and crazy. but excuse my feelings.

I let go of him with my face, looking like a red fruit while his cocky smile signifies that he wins the spar but didn't win the battle, I kept on blushing as I tried to come up with something nice to say for once since I always say something so rude or so insulting to him but now that we are battlemate overlords then it's safe to say at least...one thing nice to him.

"W-well..good luck on the battle ahead."

"Hmph. you too. I'm the crimson devil, so don't wish me good luck. Wish me a good spree of murder by my blood coated hands."

I didn't know how i felt, but I chuckled at his confidence a bit. I know I'm supposed to hate him but the fact that we are supposedly fighting together also means our terrible relationship and rivalry is finally going to die down a little.

I realized my voice chuckling at him since jaha is the type to observe people even when he has nothing else to say, so in his mind: does this poopy bitch like me?"

so I put back on my facade to insult him any chance I get.

"Ok fucker. I'll be back ready for more blood by the time extermination day ends. So be ready crimson devil."

"Tch, ok poopypants."

Ok, that shit set me off way harder than it did.

I ran back to my home to pick out my weapons in my basement and I had a whole variety.

submachines

pump.

grenades

Assault rifle

Bombs

it's all the whole package, baby. I'm also using my demonic powers to grab enemies and rip them apart like a fucking paper ripped by a human, but..the pump and the bombs do much more blood and chaos so I choose those as well.

so... I'm going to shut down my industry for tomorrow just in case, but also they can't operate without their boss too since the last time I did leave them for a business trip across hell.

I saw them set the whole studio on fire, and some of my best pornstars were DEAD.

but that incident happened 3 years ago , but I'm still begging my employees not to burn anything since I had to pay a thousand dollars just to get it renovated.

but let me tell you this....remember when I said I'm competing with valentino and his sex job? yeah.. I'm slightly winning, but at the same time, I'm not. he's creative with it, like using a dildo on you at the same time while sucking dick is an idea I didn't even think of when I watched some of it. but I noticed angel dust is a quite popular one in this studio.

and after all the shit I saw with him and valentino. even as a overlord myself I fucking can't..

STAND

that gay asshole who thinks he can treat his employees like human garbage but then again..this is hell so why should I been complaining for the millionth fucking time. I never liked him.. That's all. But Vox is a different story. I like him, but I can never seem to get along with his chaotic attitude and his mass brainwashing of interviewers. So now I wonder why they act so weird they I past by there..

velvette is a cool one too due to her fashion but I can't seem to get along with her either due to one incident when I tried to flirt with her as a force tactic to collaborate with the vees to get me more money but she might be lesbian so she's a no for me.

Either way, the vees are going to be important but also a hard enemy to battle with by the time I'm done with jaha.

I need some sleep. A demon gotta sleep, y'know?

Timeskip.

I saw jaha on the side of the hotel with his sword, and his spear attached to him while Charlie and her crew was getting ready to fight against the angels, but to me. Jaha didn't seem scared of the angels.

It's like he's...nonchalant about it. Almost like he's showing off the fact that he might have killed thousands to hundreds of angels in his past as a demon before he became an overlord with mass amounts and chunks of power pouring all onto him. so no point in answering unanswered questions when nobody has an answer for them. I stared at him for a while before battle started because I physically and mentally can not deny that this man is supremely attractive. He's like sugar.

You are a child, and then you eat some in the middle of the night before school, and then as a child with a sweet tooth, it's addictive like drugs, it's addictive like sex, and it's addictive like a hot flavorful soup on a cold day under a warm fire.

that's exactly how he's portrayed as in my eyes, so...in my mind. I'm like: ....

"don't fucking approach him. Remember the time when you used to bang your hand on a wall so many times out of anger because he won both the war and the battle? don't you hate him so much that you keep your fist closed up so hard that even demon blood comes oozing out of it?"

for some reason, I feel none of that as mongrang- the lust demon of hell. I walk up to him step by step, and his glance at me is so dangerously intimidating that I had to recoil my feelings back to act normal. he knows I don't act normal around him, so why? we are equal but yet so different as two equal demons.

"I wish you luck jaha. Try not to die."

"hmph. same to you poopy fuck. try not to scream like your balls have dropped when a bunch of angels come at you~"

his insults didn't faze me anymore, me and him both look up at the hellish sky to see a light portal.

It's here.

here comes the angels rioting at the hotel, so we both knew it's going to be fun but dangerous at the same time, it's going to be angel bloodbath here today because we both brought out our weapons in sync when they charged at us with their pointy spears.

the thing about these spears is to send a demon to no afterlife ahead of them once they die from it, but that won't be us. Not after demon children had been killed by the angels since it's such thing as killing the wretched by the good. why am I so bothered? because it's like a system of a government in real life in terms of the angel's way of doing mass murder to demons.

I kept slicing them off over and over with my demonic powers since they surprisingly didn't touch a single demon's skin of me. Now that's their's no defense against the hotel like last year. We're sticking to fighting strategically.

jaha, on the other hand...his swordsmanship is beautiful and dangerously alluring as well to look, seeing his sword ooz angel blood from the tip of its sharp end, none of the angels can touch him as well and it impresses me to think I've been standing against that fucker for so many years as a rivalry, I still managed to keep my attention to him while our massacre of angels is still orchestrating.

Bombs, murder, nukes, half cut bodies, and dead demons are all over the battleground, I was getting exhausted due to all the killing but jaha seems to be full of energy while even the angel blood is smearing his face like melted ice cream,

It seems like we're winning extermination day.

I thought about one thing during this whole fight.

I'm in love with jaha. I never got my answers during this fight with him.

I got the truest realization that tried to show itself over and over in my eyes, but I was too blind to see.

I looked to him jump to the roof and to the main lobby while I'm trying to regain my energy and this man doesn't sleep or rest at all in a state of his murderous, psychopathic mind, I'm pretty sure half of the angels got murdered because of him so why do they ever try and kill him if they are going to die to no afterlife to welcome them in arms?

So I'm going to do one thing: an angel sped to me, but I killed them in the blink of an eye, standing up in confidence to know exactly what I'm going to do. I look up to see dripping of angel blood on the roof since jaha always had a method of killing a person in such a gruesome way, what an incredible madman. He lives up to his name so much that I even smirked at the thought of it.

I jump up so high to get him.

before he can jump to the top of the roof to kill some more. I managed to grab him and hold him on the waist. and I didn't care about his reaction since he seemed to be looking at me like I'm a piece of demon garbage, but I also sense that he's flustered with the way my hands are holding him in a particular way.

"What the hell are you doing? Let me go asshole. are you trying to die?"

"Or what?"

"I'll kill you. What the hell do you mean.."or what?"

What do you mean?"

"This."

My lips pressed onto his so abruptly.

He didn't expect that at first since his body flinched at little on the impact of my lips landing onto his, but he seemed to let me do this like he's opening a door for me to enter in a side I never seen before. he slit some of my skin off while his nails dug into my skin as a sign to let me kiss him more.

I took my lips off him while my blue eyes glanced directly at his red eyes while he thought what I'm about to say was genuine.

"I love you. you fucking maniac."

I ran off to check on the others since extermination day was canceled once again, and my own feelings were going batshit insane once I openly did that to him, so I guess it is love in hell.

I looked right at him on my shoulder to see his reaction openly flabbergasted even though the crimson demon was never one to be shocked about anything, but I did see a smirk on him almost like he enjoyed it. either way...our rivalry is going to continue like a paused and continued concert out.

right when it was over.

he came up right to my industry about what happened earlier, knocking on my open door like he had something snarky and insulting to say to me. But whatever insult he has to say to me doesn't hurt me one bit, or does it piss me off anymore ? That's a huge change for me..I'll prefer to keep it a secret to hell until our relationship expands much further,

I look right to him, being open ears to tell me what he wants.

"What is it that you want jaha?"

"Why did you give me that kiss eariler when we were in the middle of a life or death battle?"

"I'll just spit it out so..I always hated you, and I tried to figure out if it's either obsession or if it's toxic lust because I always seem to enjoy your torment upon me. even when our rivalry included attempted murder of each other, then I would still either hate you or obsess over you in a bad way over and over, so that's the reason."

"That's all? I was expecting an excuse. funny."

I slap my hand through the side of his shoulder and pinned him to the wall as an intimidation tactic.

"But don't you think this is how our rivalry ends. Its still going to keep going so unless you want to fuck me then our knives is going to be at the side of our bed if one of us needs to go down one way or another."

"This is a open request to fuck you. because I can if I want to, mongrang."

the way he said my actual name instead of poop insults made me...get turned on, so.. I lean closer to his face in my pathetic attempts at intimidating him.

"It isnt a request. It's a order."

"Don't you order me around like that asshole."

"Sounds like you're trying not to fuck me since im also attractive. many woman failed to please me so let's see if you are able to."

that caught him in his words a lot that he smirked to accept my order.

"do I need to take it all off?"

"You may. If the mighty crimson demon is able to successfully arouse me more than woman's holes ever could. so come on jaha...are you scared?"

he took it seriously that he took off his shirt and exposed his neck and his man tit to me like he's giving me all the consent in the world to fuck a man like him, still..the angel blood smeared on his face gave him a much more intimidating but sexy look to him.

"Why... why do you intentionally make yourself more and more addictive. It makes it harder for me to hate you.💢"

"Come on.. you think I'm scared of you? you are merely a fly to me that can't be killed easily. if love doesn't belong in hell, then why does it exist to you at this very moment? don't you want only hatred between us?"

My hands held his waist as I slowly slid his shirt off.

"it doesn't matter if love is real in this realm. all it matters is you."

his arms wrapped around my neck as his nails continued to pierce through my skin like a knive was grazing my back.

"So it is real then. Badger games don't work on me. But you do."

our lips collided together while he seemed to be taking the time to actually bask in my methods to pleasing one's demon, He's taking the time to actually study me. To observe me and my ways.

I pushed deeper into the kiss as i started to silently moan at his painful but yet loving touch of his hands grazing my back like it's trying to intentionally inflict that pain I oh so love onto me.

I slowly lift my lips off jaha's mouth.

Both of us catch our breaths as we both seem to resonate lust of some kind. jaha spoke first.

"Let's fuck. I want to analyze you, I want to study you, I want to read you...I want it all."

"Fine."

-END-

(Ok, I was honestly proud of making this simply because I love hazbin Hotel and literally binge-watched it through all night before, but also i had to focus on each of jaha and mongrang's usual personality. This was fun to make)